0 {stripes}

Sometimes I feel silly for how much I talk and think about having a baby. Obviously, it all stems from the excitement I feel when I just think about being a parent. Tim and I started a Pinterest account so that we could find and save any awesome things that the two of us look forward to doing or having or making. I have found some pretty great things so far.

Today, I noticed I must be excited for stripes...

2 {round two - last day of letrozole}

I am on my last day of Letrozole. I have been taking two pills since 3dpo. I am really looking forward to seeing how this month ends - knowing that we could either be pregnant, or that the doctor could know more about how to help us.

Did I mention I was taking a steroid? .5mg. My friends told me it might keep me from sleeping well or make me hungry. I have yet to see any side effects.

Happy Sunday!

0 {alphabet art}

I am constantly running across alphabet art for nurseries. Being a huge fan of typography, I like the idea of having text-heavy artwork in a kid's room, plus, bringing awareness to the alphabet at an early age can only help them when it comes to letter recognition. When looking at my favorites, I noticed a trend - all of them are full wall art. Although it might be a little harder to pull off, these have the greatest impact and are definitely used as the focal point in each room.

I'll do another post soon of some alphabet pieces that could easily be added to any room.

The boldness of this wall screams "playful".

I love the contrast of the large type with the black and white pen drawings. This could easily grow with the child.

The soft color palette makes some of the letters fall into the wall. This is a subtle way to add interest.

Many websites have vintage or retro ABC flashcards that you can print and frame.

These letters are upholstered. This could be an easy DIY project that could be customized for various color palettes.

I know this isn't a nursery, but I love the idea of an entire wall filled with type. This wallpaper can be found here.

I love hanging art on a clothesline. This could grow with the child, eventually hanging their own artwork. These vintage flashcards can be found here.

0 {round two}

Well, I did indeed get my period. I called the Dr. and we're starting round two tomorrow. I will be taking the same 5mg of Letrozole during days 3-7. I will also be taking .5mg of Dexamethasone, which is a steroid. The nurse told me it was part of their normal procedure and that it would help suppress my immune system if it were to try to keep a pregnancy from happening.

I thought I would be more sad about not getting pregnant this cycle, and to be honest there was a day or two that I was feeling less than stellar about it, but Tim has been a huge support. (He's the only reason I'm not laying in bed crying for days at a time.) He keeps reminding me that we will have kids, no matter what, and this little extra time it's taking us is a little gift. Some people decide they are having kids and BAM, it happens. No time to think. We have been given so much time to prepare ourselves, and our life. We've been given extra time to begin some of those projects we thought were more like dreams than reality. It really is a blessing, and even more of a blessing is that we are doing this together.

0 {when it rains, it pours}

My sister called me this morning. She doesn't call very often, so when I got the message that she wanted to have dinner together, I immediately assumed that something was wrong. I called my mom and she just made me feel silly for worrying.

On my drive I thought only one thing...she's pregnant. She and her husband got married this last May (so, three months ago) and immediately talked about starting a family. I had my own reservations since they only dated a few months before getting married, but kept my mouth shut. As I waited in my car for her to get there, I prepped myself on what I would say and tried to convince myself that although I didn't understand their rush, I was going to be happy for her.

After dinner and really nice conversation, it finally came. "We're pregnant!" "YAY!" "Woo-hoo!"

I genuinely smiled and celebrated with her. She kept asking me if I was going to be okay. I said yes and she followed that up with "You're okay...but are you, like, going to go home and cry about it?" I could have punched her, but surprisingly, I didn't. She continued to tell me all of the symptoms she was having - the same symptoms I have been looking for for the last 15 months - and again I was fine. All of the preparation I did waiting for her to get there had paid off. I forgot about myself and for about an hour during dinner, I was genuinely happy for her.

Then I got in the car. I drove about a half-mile and the tears began to run. I really was happy for her, I just couldn't help but feel sorry for myself. I had been imagining what it would be like to tell my parents that they were going to welcome their first grand-baby and to use my dad's baby bassinet for the first few months. Now that will be her memory and only my dream. I imagined welcoming our baby at any time and instead we'll be welcoming hers. I'm going to have to buck up, get over it, and move on. Because, even though it is hard to hear, what Tim told me is right..."Samantha, why are you letting this bother you? The fact that they are having a baby is exciting. It's not going to interfere with us at all. We have our own plans and they will happen perfectly when the time is right."

3 {styleboard #4}

Crib, price by quote

Mirror, $200

DIY Chandelier, $60

Bug Print, $50

Globe, $25

Letter, $16

Card Catalog, $425

Pillow, $30

Rocking Chair, $393

0 {country livin'}

It is now Sunday. My period was due yesterday, but so far I have only gotten negative pregnancy tests. I have always been irregular, but my period has always come 14 days past my ovulation. I ovulated 15 days ago. My boobs are actually a little sore, so I'm assuming it is still on its way. I think I'll call the Dr.'s office tomorrow if something doesn't change soon.

On a side note - we had a fabulous weekend. Saturday we took a day trip to the country to celebrate Tim's Grandpa's 81st birthday. I call it the country because, well, it's pretty much the middle of nowhere and it's always an adventure - roosters crowing, barn cats that are part of the family, kids swimming in horse troughs, target shooting in fields and really really great company.

0 {i cheated}

Dr.'s orders were to wait until this Saturday to take a pregnancy test. I cheated. I took one today (12dpo) and, not to any surprise of mine, I got a negative. I kind of had a feeling this was coming. Although I know I ovulated, this week my body has felt more than normal. I haven't had any weird cramping, no spotting, no sore boobs, nothing! I feel like I've failed. I was so excited thinking this would be our month. Although I haven't started my period yet and I can't completely rule out the possibility, I'm convinced that this cycle is a dud. I'm not going to waste another pregnancy test - I'll just wait for my period to come Saturday morning. What a great way to start the weekend! I'm ready for a glass of wine. I need a glass of wine.

0 {frankie says relax}

I went in this week for a blood test to see if I did, indeed, ovulate. I never called about the results because of the cramps I had, I am almost positive that it happened.

I always get a kick out of people when you tell then you're trying to have a baby. They quickly dish up their best advice, sure that it will help. The tech at the testing center advised me to stop running so much and just relax. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I've tried that, and it didn't work. Relax seems to be the most prominent advice I've been given. I understand its importance and I respect the fact that my body doesn't work well under pressure, but telling yourself to relax and it actually happening are two different things. Since our first meeting with Dr. Starks I have had a weight lifted off of my shoulders, but that doesn't mean that I don't think about it constantly. I just think about it in more of a "it will happen" kind of way, not a "this sucks" kind of way. Although, I will admit, the latter seems easier sometimes.

In the end, I try to keep my mind busy with other things. It helps that school is starting soon - my mind is going a million different directions and it rarely has time to rest on baby making.

0 {style saturday}

How cute is this? I couldn't help  myself - I can just see that adorable little suit on an adorable little girl.

Found on Etsy by Amourouse

0 {style board #3}

Crib: Skylar Fixed Gate Crib, $799

Rocker: Risom Rocker, $1,980

Rug: Natural Jute, $199

Curtains: Custom Made

Lamp: Bacchus Glass Lamp, $169

Oars: Potterybarn, Sold Out

Artwork: all found on Etsy

0 {15 things to do before you have kids}

I came across a great list of "Things To Do Before You Have Kids" and I thought I would share some of the To Dos... and also see where we stand. (These are from the nest, by Erin Zammett Ruddy )

1. Go on a wine-tasting tour at a vineyard.

   There's nothing fun for a kid about sitting still and being quiet while you sip something they can't. And those little wine crackers only entertain them for so long.

2. Go skydiving/bungee jumping/swimming with sharks...or whatever other crazy, life-risking thing you’ve got on your bucket list.

   These activities are frowned upon when you’ve got little ones at home who kind of depend on your not being injured. Or dead. So file under before baby.

3. Make a list of all the restaurants and bars you've been meaning to check out -- and go.

   Sure, you'll get out to eat when you have kids. But when there’s a sitter on the clock, you're more likely to pick a place you know will get you in and out, and not, say, that new pop-up restaurant 45 minutes away where they cook everything with a single match.

4. Appreciate the bathroom -- alone.

   This one bears repeating. Seriously. Revel in the aloneness.
   

5. Stop being so self-righteous.

   When you see a mom or dad struggling with a tantrum-throwing kid in the airport or at the drugstore, don’t roll your eyes and think, My kid would never do that. Because he will - guaranteed.

6. Take a road trip.

   Anywhere. Together or solo, it doesn’t matter -- just relish in the complete silence or blast whatever kid-unfriendly music you like. Stop only when you want to or you need to, and enjoy the freedom. The car will never be the same postbaby.

7. Be spontaneous.

   If someone says, “Let’s do ____.” Do ____. Because you can.

8. Spend an entire day in bed together watching movies.

   You will likely never do this once you have kids unless A) you have the flu, in which case, not so enjoyable, or B) your kid has the flu, in which case said movies will likely feature talking rodents. Again, not so enjoyable.
   

9. Have boozy lunches with friends.

   You’ll probably try this once you have kids, and it will seem great...until you get home and realize you still have to parent and bedtime isn’t for another five hours. D’oh!

10. Feed your minimalist side.

    Get a white chair/couch/rug/anything else you wouldn’t want stained. Leave your wineglass or coffee cup on it and watch it not get knocked over. Enjoy it while you can, because once there’s a little one tottering around, you can kiss it good-bye!

11. Have morning sex.

    And doors-open sex. And not-in-the-bedroom sex. And loud sex. Sure, you’ll still have sex post-kids. But most of these particular sex flavors will go off the menu when the little ones arrive, so partake while you can.

12. Be the last ones to leave the party.

    No matter what you say now, as a couple with kids, you’ll be calling it a night long before your baby-free friends. (Trust me, you won’t have it in you, and even if you do, people will talk.) That means missing out on those crazy-fun hours when all the really fun nonsense happens, also known as the stuff you reminisce about once you have kids.

13. Fly first class.

    Everyone deserves to board the plane first (without a stroller, car seat and screaming kid), eat warm nuts and drink free beverages at least once in their life. And even if you can afford it, it’s just wrong to fly first class with a tot (people don’t spend all the extra cash to listen to crying babies the whole time). Promise you won’t be those parents!

14. Wear as much silk, cashmere, dry-clean-only clothing as you possibly can, while you still can.

    Kids can get their gunk on you without even making contact. It’s one of their many superpowers.

15. Take a career risk.

    Go for the promotion, the career change or any other work-related risk that will feel too risky once there are dependents involved. You have the rest of your life to worry about income, stability and paying for diapers and college. Take advantage of this time to pursue your passions or figure out whatever the hell it is you want to do.
    
    I think this list is really funny. It's those things we don't appreciate as baby/kidless people that we will really miss once it's gone. There are a few that aren't really my style, like flying first-class and wearing dry-clean only materials, but for the most part, we're on our way.

0 {one good egg}

Earlier this week I met with Dr. Starks' nurse to see how the Letrozole was working. She did a sonogram and saw that I had one healthy large egg that was ready to ovulate. One previous concern that Dr. Starks had was that I was ovulating naturally, but my eggs were never making their way into and down my fallopian tube. So, this time, instead of just hoping for the best, I got an HCG shot. The shot, full of good hormones, made me ovulate within 36-48 hours. It was really weird, I could actually feel my body ovulating and that has never happened before. It made me really hopeful.

I don't really know how to explain it...Tim and I are very ready for our family to grow and for all of the adventures ahead, but a part of me is really sad that this chapter in our lives is coming to an end. The more time we spend together just the two of us, the more sad I get thinking that one day it will never be "just us" anymore.

That being said, we packed up and headed out camping for the weekend. I'm so glad we did, too. There is something magical about the clear night sky and all of the stars sparkling down on us. You forget about all of those stressful and petty things that interfere with your daily life - you just let go and relax.

We went horseback riding, too. This was Tim's horse, Top Gun.

This was my horse, Horizon

0 {style saturday}

This is Sydney from The Day Book Blog. The hounds-tooth dress is a prefect summer staple. The whispy hair and few accessories top it off nicely. 

2 {sytle board #2}

Crib: DaVinci Kalani Mini Crib, $199

Armoire: Edland Linen Cabinet, $399

Vintage Rocking Chair: Ebay Find, $150

Rug: Natural weave Jute, $179; with hand painted white stripes

Decor: Driftwood Garland, $28; Stork Painting, Self

0 {waiting for you}

Right now you are just a thought to us. You are a hope and a wish and an "I can't wait". We have been ready for you, but you are not ready for us. You are waiting until the time is right.

While we wait, I have fallen more deeply in love with Tim. I think about how much I love him and how our love has grown and blossomed in the years we've been together. I think about how much it will grow during a lifetime of love and it amazes me that I am so lucky. Sometimes I feel like my heart is exploding with love for him.

I have heard about those couples who sleep so close together that in the night, their hearts begin to beat to the same rhythm. The energy and life flows through them as one. This is how I feel when I am close to him, or even far away. My heart needs him, and his needs mine. Without each other we would be two souls in constant search for one another.

It also makes me wonder...my heart is so full of Tim's love and the love I have for him, how could I possibly have room for anything else? How could I love you the way I love him? Then I remember, he will be a part of you. You will be us - made from true, passionate, unconditional, mad love. You will be a new love, a love like I have never known. A love that, too, will last into eternity.