0 {this is us}

To catch you up...

Tim and I met in college as art majors. He was a junior, I was a freshman. He romanced me with home cooked meals and evenings under the stars. While, I lured him with my naive mind and bad story-telling skills (don't worry, they've improved). We fell in love - hard - and right before I graduated we got married. Of course, there are many wonderful, amazing, fantastic and juicy details that fall in between, but we'll get to those another day. We now own a little love nest, work full time jobs (Tim, as a graphic designer and me, as an art instructor), are parents to Mason (our dog), and are ready to start our family.

Starting our family was one of the most fabulous decisions we have ever made. It is something Tim and I both dream about. We are ecstatic for the day we get to be parents, though the road to that day has been anything but. This blog is an opportunity for us to document our struggle, hope, and excitement to becoming parents. Fasten your seat belt because this stroller coaster is a bumpy ride.

Samantha & Tim

0 {ah, that's going to be so much fun}

Tim and I were walking Mason (our dog) through the park and a woman with a stroller walked by. Tim immediately said in the softest, sweetest voice "Ah, that's going to be so much fun!"

I am so thankful for the wonderful life we have, but a part of me feels like it's missing and the hole is getting bigger as each month passes. Sometime last spring, my mind switched. A lightbulb turned on and we decided we were ready to start our family. Before that I had been so happy living my fairytale with Tim - just the two of us, enjoying every moment together on our adventures. Our lives revolved around eachother, but as soon as we decided we were ready to start our family, our life hasn't been about us, it's been about what is to come. At first, that was really fun. We would talk about our future family all of the time - how long we would take off of work when the baby came, ways to visit out of town family, how we would still go hiking in Colorado with an infant, how we were going to put a car seat on the scooter, where my dad's baby bassinet would go, how we shouldn't plant grass because we will be too tired to wake up early to water it, and every other thing you could imagine saying. We already began adapting our lives to our new family. It was amazing, until our new family never came.

I don't know how Tim does it, but twelve months later (I know, in the realm of life, it's a second! It sure feels like a decade when you're living it, though) he is still as excited as he was the day we began trying. He's the only way I am staying sane during this process. Inevitably, I cry much more often than I would like to admit. I keep telling myself that the longer we have to wait, the sweeter it will be. It's hard sometimes, but I truly believe it! The day we find out, I will be in tears more than the last nine months combined. That time, though, not from frustration or feeling sorry for myself, but because I know that Tim and I are about to experience the most exciting and love-filled moments of our lives. I imagine in those moments, Tim, Mason, and I will be walking with a stroller through the park and Tim will lovingly look over at me saying "Ah, this is so much fun!" in that soft, sweet voice of his.

4 this is us

Tim and I met in college as art majors. He was a junior, I was a freshman. He romanced me with home cooked meals and evenings under the stars. While, I lured him with my naive mind and bad story-telling skills (don't worry, they've improved). We fell in love - hard - and right before I graduated we got married. Of course, there are many wonderful, amazing, fantastic and juicy details that fall in between, but we'll get to those another day. We now own a little love nest, work full time jobs (Tim, as a graphic designer and me, as an art instructor), are parents to Mason (our dog). Starting a family was something we wanted to do "one day" but had no plans of that being any time soon. As we both grew in our relationship, we felt that we were more and more ready to be parents.

Trying to start our family was one of the most fabulous decisions we have ever made. It is something Tim and I both dreamed about. That being said, as a 25 year old, healthy, young woman, I had NO IDEA that our journey was going to head down the route it did. Tim and I tried to conceive naturally for about a year before we saw the fertility doctor. Once we met with him we had so much hope that everything would work. It didn't. There were so many emotional breakdowns after failure upon failure. Long story short - I became a hot mess. We stopped treatments and eventually realized that being infertile was OKAY! We found that this struggle was a blessing and not a curse. Tim and I had more time to fall even more in love, and we began to trust in each other in whole new ways. Soon after we stopped treatments, we began looking into adoption and started recouping our 'baby funds" (that were taken for fertility treatments). That was about six months ago. Right now our plan is to save, save, save and pay off ANY and every debt that we have (car, student loans..the un-fun stuff) so that we can go into adoption as stress-free as possible. Our goal is to fill out applications within the next few months. It's scary, it's exciting, it gives me chills to think about it - but it's all so worth it! 

Fasten your seat belt because this stroller coaster is a bumpy ride.

Samantha & Tim

*the nitty gritty of our infertility treatments*

Months 1-6: Tim and I were sure that we would get pregnant. The confidence began dwindling pretty quickly thereafter.
Months 7-10: Negative test after negative test proved to be our story. I was convinced that there was something wrong with me.
Month 10: I made an appointment with the RE. We left his office with stars in our eyes and hope for our future. He was going to save us.
Month 11: I was diagnosed with stage 2 Endometriosis and PCOS. I had a laparoscopic procedure to investigate the damage and remove any cysts on my uterus and ovaries.
Month 12-15: I was prescribed .5mg Letrozole days 3-7 , Dexamethasone and an HCG trigger shot. My body's response was positive, but all we got were negative pregnancy tests. Note: By this time Tim had been tested. He had 80 million fast & furious sperm. No problem there.
Month 16: Met with RE again and decided to do IUI with controlled ovarian hyperstimulation (meaning my body doesn't get to make the decisions - I'm on medications that do everything from making eggs to inducing ovulation).
Month 17: I took 150iu of Follistim days 5-10, Dexamethasone, HCG trigger shot and then had our first IUI. I produced 2 good eggs around 18mm. I took a progesterone supplement immediately following the IUI. Negative pregnancy test. This was probably the most heart-breaking moment to his point.
Month 18: I had a month off due to the low staffing at the clinic around Christmas (insert a loud SCREAM!)
Month 19: I went in for a sono and lab only to find that my reproductive parts has gone on vacation and were not working on their "month off". I was prescribed a month of birth control to get things back in order.
Month 20: Round Two -  I took .5mg of Letrozole again (to make more eggs) along with 150iu of Follistim days 5-10, Dexamethasone, HCG trigger shot and then the IUI. I produced 3 good eggs around 18mm. Again, I took a progesterone supplement immediately following the IUI. Another negative pregnancy test.
Month 21: Round Three - I took .25mg of Letrozole along with 150iu of Follistim, Dexamethasone, HCG trigger shot and then the IUI. I produced 6 good eggs around 22mm. NEGATIVE.

Tim and I have decided to stop fertility treatments. We are truly happy with that decision and everything it brings.