“Isn’t that interesting?..that makes so much sense”
That is the response I get from my mother every time I tell
her about our fertility appointments, injections, sonograms, and monthly
pregnancy tests. I can’t stand it. I feel like this process has pulled us apart
because 1) She doesn’t know how to talk to me and 2) I am too much of a mess to
tell her that what she is currently doing doesn’t help.
When I was young, I would go to my mom about everything. She
would know immediately if I was upset, hurt, worried, excited or anxious. She
knew me so well. I would talk to her about everything. She took care of me.
Ever since Tim and I have been married, I would say that our relationship has
changed. She now sees me as a well balanced, take-care-of-herself kind of
person. She doesn’t worry about me. She knows I can handle whatever comes. Part
of that evolution in thought comes from the fact that the things I used to go
to her for, I now go to Tim for. He sees the vulnerable side of me – not her.
When I first came to her about the fertility issues Tim and
I were facing, I would tell her about my meds, injections, sonograms and such. She’s
a nurse, so she always sees it from the scientific side. She asks questions
about how the meds work or comments on how interesting it all is. That’s great when I’m
talking a to a nurse, but when I’m talking to my mom, I want her to comfort me.
I want her to tell me everything’s going to me okay. I want her to ask “How are
you doing with all of this?” knowing that as soon as I hear it, I will turn
into my 13 year old self and begin sobbing. Because, of all people, she should
be the first to know that I’m not doing okay. I’m a mess. I’m an utter mess and
I don’t know how to fix it.
4 comments:
I'm not going through the same thing, but I swear we have the exact same mother. I had a miscarriage this summer and it went a lot like this. I have no advice for dealing with it, as we always seem to be trapped in the miscommunication tango. She is trying to respect my space and my adulthood and to project optimism by not talking about the bad stuff. And I am trying to tell-her-but-not-really-tell-her that I really need my Mom, I really need to be a kid here for a second. It must be some kind of nurse thing, because she's a nurse, too. Also, my mother lost her mom when she was in college and I think she is somewhat at a loss as to exactly how our relationship should work at this stage of my life.
Like I said, I don't really have any advice. But as someone with the exact same Mom, I can tell you that she doesn't mean to fall short and when you do reach a breaking point, she knows how to be that old mom again in a heartbeat.
this is why we have good friends. you have some friends you shop with, some friends you party with, some friends you see on special occasions, and if you're lucky enough we have friends that are like an old worn tee-shirt that are just there...there to talk to about anything and everything and nothing at the same time. use them accordingly. :)
I just found your blog and your Pinterest - I am in awe of both. Thank you so much for writing ... for being so honest. All the best..
Lexi xx
Glitter Weddings
Thanks Val. It is nice to know someone relates to the same situation. It's not that she's doing anything wrong, she's just not giving me what I need. I've just got to push through this one.
Lexi - love your site! thanks for following!
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