Tim and I were walking Mason (our dog) through the park and a woman with a stroller walked by. Tim immediately said in the softest, sweetest voice "Ah, that's going to be so much fun!"
I am so thankful for the wonderful life we have, but a part of me feels like it's missing and the hole is getting bigger as each month passes. Sometime last spring, my mind switched. A lightbulb turned on and we decided we were ready to start our family. Before that I had been so happy living my fairytale with Tim - just the two of us, enjoying every moment together on our adventures. Our lives revolved around eachother, but as soon as we decided we were ready to start our family, our life hasn't been about us, it's been about what is to come. At first, that was really fun. We would talk about our future family all of the time - how long we would take off of work when the baby came, ways to visit out of town family, how we would still go hiking in Colorado with an infant, how we were going to put a car seat on the scooter, where my dad's baby bassinet would go, how we shouldn't plant grass because we will be too tired to wake up early to water it, and every other thing you could imagine saying. We already began adapting our lives to our new family. It was amazing, until our new family never came.
I don't know how Tim does it, but twelve months later (I know, in the realm of life, it's a second! It sure feels like a decade when you're living it, though) he is still as excited as he was the day we began trying. He's the only way I am staying sane during this process. Inevitably, I cry much more often than I would like to admit. I keep telling myself that the longer we have to wait, the sweeter it will be. It's hard sometimes, but I truly believe it! The day we find out, I will be in tears more than the last nine months combined. That time, though, not from frustration or feeling sorry for myself, but because I know that Tim and I are about to experience the most exciting and love-filled moments of our lives. I imagine in those moments, Tim, Mason, and I will be walking with a stroller through the park and Tim will lovingly look over at me saying "Ah, this is so much fun!" in that soft, sweet voice of his.